The kids seem to barely figure in, even in your ending that you are "alone". Another red flag.Īnd I note that in all of this ideation there's no talk about how this fantasy man will integrate into your life as a parent. Your vision of being with someone also sounds more like a dating service fantasy than anything you'd expect from someone with a couple of long term relationships. The closest we have here is the dating equivalent of the job interview BS answer to what's your weakness, which is that you're intimidating because you're so youthful.
Everyone has strengths and weaknesses and it benefits you to know both. It doesn't seem like a very balanced or self reflective perspective, especially when you're asking why you're not getting the guy you want. I would consider all of that a bunch of red flags that would keep me from having any interest.įrom there, your post is about what a prize you think you are, which is another big red flag. To be honest, your opening paragraph is about making what I would consider a bunch of poor choices, not knowing who you are, not knowing what you want and al of that having impact on other people. I feel like I’ve walked around all four corners, meeting many amazing people - some whom I’ve found attractive some with whom I’ve flirted - yet have had no one offer to join me in the Journey. I’m tired of being told how good looking people think I am or how much fun they say I am to be around or that I just need to wait because the right guy is just around the corner. I’m tired of hearing that I offer so much. Where is this person? And why can’t I seem to find him? Why do I check off so many items on men’s lists, but fail at filling the “next of kin” blank on my health insurance application? I’ve been told that I am intimidating to other guys that because I am so active and youthful, I am offputting to guys closer to my age yet overwhelming to younger men that I tend to be attracted to. Someone to be my “In Case of Emergency” contact in my phone. A man who will never have to worry about rewriting painful memories again. A boyfriend who isn’t ashamed of his boyfriend. Someone who can’t wait to introduce his new crush to a friend this weekend and to his family at the Labor Day picnic. A guy who wants to stay at home to watch the next Netflix phenomenon and gossip about it at work the next day just to bring home that gossip and talk about it more with one another. A man who wants to go see the next Marvel movie, but also attend the next black tie affair in style. So why is it so hard to find a partner? A co-adventurer? Someone who wants to experience life the new and exciting as well as the mundane but interesting. I am also down-to-earth with an open heart and open hands. I am a graduate level professional, state licensed in my career, long tenured and well respected in my career. I have great kids who are anticipating Dad’s next boyfriend just as much as I am. I like making snow angels, then drinking hot cider after dark. I like going to water parks and theme parks. I like to stay at home on rainy nights and cold winter days. I go to the gym regularly to maintain my health. I also like to cocoon at home some weekends. I have been active and focused on rebuilding and stabilizing myself, carefully interested all along in becoming friends with someone, wanting to date, with the hope that something might turn into a long-term, monogamous relationship.Īnd now I ask the question: Why haven’t I found someone? I tried dating/hookup apps, then deleted them all last September because they’re worthless. I’ve been trying to become a healthier version of me, “finding myself,” rewriting memories of him that had become painful. This is partially because I allowed the singleness to continue.
Without even trying, I had my first boyfriend. When I finally was able to say out loud what I had known for years (even before I was married), I immediately had guys interested. I was in a mixed-orientation marriage for years married to a woman.